So...What did ya do over the weekend?

[Phyllis Sidhe_Uaine]

Originally Posted by greymare

oh ahanu, that sounds fantastic. Id love to see that. Wish her luck (break a leg) (thats a good thing, isnt it??) and have a great time. Seeing a live show is awsome, but seeing a family member in it....... is the best....

"Break a leg" is a good thing to wish a performer prior to a performance (it is a superstition amongst actors, kind of like a "lucky" bat to a cricket player, I guess.)

Phyllis Sidhe_Uaine

[Garnet]

I worked.

[dauer]

It was a rough weekend for me. My girlfriend of 5 years broke up with me on Wednesday and it didn't really hit me until Friday. I'm doing a lot better now. I think the fact that she wasn't particularly interested in Judaism was holding me back a bit in terms of the frequency and intensity of my spiritual practice.

[Alex P]

Originally Posted by dauer

It was a rough weekend for me. My girlfriend of 5 years broke up with me on Wednesday and it didn't really hit me until Friday. I'm doing a lot better now. I think the fact that she wasn't particularly interested in Judaism was holding me back a bit in terms of the frequency and intensity of my spiritual practice.

Sorry to hear that D.. Hope things get better.

One thing I'd ask myself though Was she holding you back?

[dauer]

Alex,

Yeah that's what I mean. I wasn't going as deep into my practice as I wanted to because I felt I had to hold back and find ways to include her. I told her very early on in the relationship that if she wasn't willing to convert should the relationship go further that we shouldn't date. She said she was fine with that and when things got more serious we talked about that and I was trying to teach her things but she was just remained somewhat disinterested/undedicated/resistant to both learning and practice (e.g. on Shabbos she would absolutely refuse to sing, she'd come up with reasons she couldn't go to shul, would want to stop soon after we began to review the prayer service or something else.) On some level I understood that she wasn't going to become more interested but I kept telling myself otherwise. So while we were together I minimized things like daily practice in order to acomodate her and not leave her feeling intimidated or off-put. In terms of my practice it feels like a real weight has been lifted.

After we broke up she admitted to me that she didn't have any interest in Judaism and wasn't even very okay with the idea of raising her children Jewish. I'm not actually upset about her leading me on because the past 5 years were, at least from my perspective, very rewarding.

[Alex P]

Well.. You got a resolve then even if it isn't one you were perhaps aiming for, you have that feeling of unease removed.. And can concentrate comfortably on your religion, and she has been liberated, from something she has wanted to get off her chest for what seems a long time. I think it has gone good, specially if you can still talk to each other as friends too.

I think interfaith relationships must be quite a challange... I think the key is space and time apart... We attempt to smother our partners with our faith thinking they will "get it." (Not aimed at you D!!! lol I just mean as a whole!)

[dauer]

Alex,

yeah I agree it worked out well and we have been able to remain friends. We still both care about each and I still find her to be one of the easiest people to talk to. The religion thing's really just one aspect of the breakup. I think the bigger issue for her was some of the aspie <--> NT dynamic. Especially over the past year due to environmental stressors and better self-awareness I've taken more time to myself which left her feeling neglected. Then there were other times I just wouldn't be able to relate to her or respond to her in the way she wanted or I'd fail to anticipate what she was expecting. That's hard enough in most relationships. It was difficult for her to understand that I was unaware of what she needed/was trying to communicate or that I didn't naturally have the degree of body language/facial expression that she desired. For her it still felt like I was being a jerk or disrespecting her in some way. The religion issue was I think, for her, more of an afterthought.

In terms of interfaith relationships, I would've never gotten into one if she hadn't approached me. I think depending on what both people want it may or may not work but for me, as someone planning on becoming a rabbi and very invested in Judaism, it's been very important for me to have a Jewish home with a partner who can share that life with me.

-- Dauer

[wil]

Originally Posted by dauer

the past 5 years were, at least from my perspective, very rewarding.

That's the ticket!!

Tis the growth we get on the journey that counts.

[dauer]

That's how I try to look at it. Anything that seems bad, from another perspective, is is something to learn from, can't move without friction. That perspective has helped me to deal with and reap benefit from experiences that might've made another person very bitter.

[bob x]

Originally Posted by path_of_one

It is really worth doing, Wil. It's an amazing monument and march, and they also have an excellent museum of Native American art and historical items, as well as the original studio and many of the sculptor's other works and furniture.

We met some of the sculptor's children who are carrying on the work, and they were wonderful, warm people. The sculptor and Crazy Horse were heroes of my grandfather.

The memorial was amazing. There were only four of us there for scattering his ashes, and it was very stormy. The wind picked up and when all was done, a huge double rainbow spread out in front of Crazy Horse (we scattered him from the top of the arm, which you can walk out on). It was truly spectacular and I felt like my grandpa was truly where he wanted to be. The van driver who took us up there for scattering the ashes was also wonderful and very kind. They were all around just lovely people.

I loved that place (visited a couple years back). I still have a rock from there in the front seat of my car. Everytime someone gets a ride from me they ask "What the heck is this?" and it gives me an excuse to tell them.