Small ray of hope

Muslimwoman · 03-09-2008, 10:04 AM

While watching al Jazeera news last night they had a very sad piece about a women in Khartoum, Sudan who had been forced at age 20 to marry a man 28 years her senior. It was an unhappy marriage and her husband told her brother that he had been to a religious man and got blessed water which if thrown in the face of his sister would create happiness and harmony in their marriage. The brother questioned why it should be him and not the husband but was told it would work better if the brother did it as this would be acceptance of the family to the marriage. The brother threw the liquid at his sisters face and it turned out to be acid. The brother had to be consoled by his burnt sister (may Allah bless her for her kindness and understanding).

Her face is so badly scarred I could not describe it and she has lost the use of one eye.

Her father dropped the case against the husband after a 'financial settlement' to the father was made by the husband.

So why do I call this horrific story a small ray of hope?????

Because there is an uproar in the Sudanese press about the issue of forced marriages and bribes to escape punishment and religious leaders in Sudan have come out publicly and announced on international tv that in Islam woman cannot under any circumstances be forced into marriage, they have stated very clearly that a womans consent to any marriage must be given. They also stated that no person has the right to dismiss charges for anyone else, so the father has acted against Islam in dropping the charges - only the wife could agree to drop the charges in this case.

The police, religious leaders and womens groups have been working together to hold meetings to educate women about their rights and dispel some of these traditions that are taught as Islam.

Pray with me that other countries follow suit and return to the teachings of Islam and reject their misguided customs and traditions.

I am deeply offended that this has happened to any woman but I pray good will come out of it, that doctors can restore her face as much as possible and she can go on to lead a happy life knowing that good came from her tragic story.

seattlegal · 03-09-2008, 05:39 PM

A ray of hope, indeed. I pray that hearts and minds might be changed...

path_of_one · 03-09-2008, 09:03 PM

I have heard of many similar stories, unfortunately. But this is the first time I have heard of it leading to action. I will join you in that prayer...

wil · 03-09-2008, 10:22 PM

Hard to believe.

a. That someone would do that.
b. Premeditated to the point of inducing another.
c. Picking a family member to as an unwilling conspirator.
d. The PARENTS drop the charges...

The sooner we all raise in consciousness the better.

Add me to the prayer team.

Netti-Netti · 03-09-2008, 10:35 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by wil

Hard to believe.

a. That someone would do that.
b. Premeditated to the point of inducing another.
c. Picking a family member to as an unwilling conspirator.
d. The PARENTS drop the charges...

That someone would carry out the act thinking acid smells like water.

Quote:

The sooner we all raise in consciousness the better.

For sure. Note that Western society's romanticized notions of marriage have done little to prevent domestic violence. There is a reason why the significant other is the first suspect in a homicide. A significant other is the perpetrator in about one third of female homicide cases in the US. The homicide rate for Anglo girlfriends has actually been increasing of late.

seattlegal · 03-09-2008, 10:40 PM

Is there anything that we Western non-Muslims can do to help, other than pray, that won't cause a backlash?

Netti-Netti · 03-09-2008, 10:40 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Muslimwoman

Because there is an uproar in the Sudanese press about the issue of forced marriages and bribes to escape punishment and religious leaders in Sudan have come out publicly and announced on international tv that in Islam woman cannot under any circumstances be forced into marriage

Hello Ms. Sally. I am in awe of your love of Islam. But I'm not sure this is an issue of Islam versus non-Islamic tradition. The adequacy of the Sudanese legal system would seem to be at issue here.

Quote:

...religious leaders ....have stated very clearly that a woman's consent to any marriage must be given.

There is nothing intrinsically wrong with arranged marriages. They are commonplace - and apparently to a large extent workable -- throughout Hindu India and Buddhist SE Asia as well as other parts of the world.

As for a connection between violence and arranged marriages, I'm not aware of any. Apparently there are data that indicate that arranged marriages actually have higher success rates than marriages based on romantic love. Half the marriage in the US end in divorce. This clearly does not attest to the merits of love-based marriage and the joys of wasting one's best years honing one's flirtation skills only to marry someone who turns out to be totally different from the idealized image one had of the person when deciding to get married.

Quote:

They also stated that no person has the right to dismiss charges for anyone else

This is crucial and this is really a matter of the adequacy of the legal system.

Netti-Netti · 03-09-2008, 10:50 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by seattlegal

Is there anything that we Western non-Muslims can do to help, other than pray, that won't cause a backlash?

Hello Ms. SG. Only about half of the Sudanese people are Muslims. That the husband allegedly went to see a religious man and got blessed water suggests to me that this could very well have happened in a Christian sector of Sudanese society. I have seen estimates as high as 20% of the people of Sudan being Christian. Catholics in particular are big on this holy water business.

seattlegal · 03-09-2008, 11:05 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Netti-Netti

Hello Ms. SG. Only about half of the Sudanese people are Muslims. That the husband allegedly went to see a religious man and got blessed water suggests to me that this could very well have happened in a Christian sector of Sudanese society. I have seen estimates as high as 20% of the people of Sudan being Christian. Catholics in particular are big on this holy water business.

I found this in the Sudan Tribune:

Unspeakable tragedy shatters the life of a young Sudanese girl [GRAPHIC CONTENT]

Netti-Netti · 03-09-2008, 11:15 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by seattlegal

I found this in the Sudan Tribune:

Unspeakable tragedy shatters the life of a young Sudanese girl [GRAPHIC CONTENT]

What are we dealing with here? The individual psychopathology of the husband or problems with the institution of arranged marriages?

Alex P · 03-09-2008, 11:23 PM

From every situation there is good...

I truly feel for the sister.

seattlegal · 03-09-2008, 11:26 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Netti-Netti

What are we dealing with here? The individual psychopathology of the husband or problems with the institution of arranged marriages?

Forced marriage, in this case. The girl did not give her consent. According to the article, she said she “prefers death to marrying this man,” nor was she even present at the formal marriage rituals. When the husband sent her back to her father's house after she resisted his advances, her father sent her back to the husband's house.

Netti-Netti · 03-10-2008, 12:22 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by seattlegal

Forced marriage, in this case. The girl did not give her consent. According to the article, she said she “prefers death to marrying this man,” nor was she even present at the formal marriage rituals. When the husband sent her back to her father's house after she resisted his advances, her father sent her back to the husband's house.

In other words, this situation unfolded as the result of a series of extraordinarily poor judgments on the part of people who were obviously intent on ignoring the woman's rights. Their poor judgment would ultimately be compounded by the brother's decision to dutifully carry out the act without even noticing that the acid did not smell like water. Why do I get the impression there is something very wrong with this family?

According to the commentary on YouTube regarding this incident
YouTube - Acid attack raises women's rights issue in Sudan - 08 Mar 08
the financial settlement between the victim's father and the husband is "null and void" and subject to appeal. The settlement seems to have no legal basis. That being the case, the issue at this point is not the repeal or modification of laws that presumably sanction this kind of conduct.

Which leaves us where?.....

seattlegal · 03-10-2008, 03:48 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Netti-Netti

In other words, this situation unfolded as the result of a series of extraordinarily poor judgments on the part of people who were obviously intent on ignoring the woman's rights. Their poor judgment would ultimately be compounded by the brother's decision to dutifully carry out the act without even noticing that the acid did not smell like water. Why do I get the impression there is something very wrong with this family?

I'm agreement with you, there. We really don't know whether the girl's family was in on it, or not. If, and that is a big "if," they were, this smells like a "family honor" scapegoating.

Quote:

According to the commentary on YouTube regarding this incident
YouTube - Acid attack raises women's rights issue in Sudan - 08 Mar 08
the financial settlement between the victim's father and the husband is "null and void" and subject to appeal. The settlement seems to have no legal basis. That being the case, the issue at this point is not the repeal or modification of laws that presumably sanction this kind of conduct.

Which leaves us where?.....

With public discussion, and hopefully a raising of consciousness on the matter.

Indeed, forcing a girl into marriage does bring shame on the family if the girl does not consent. {And for good reason--the family had better be ashamed for not honoring the matter of the girl's consent. Scapegoating the girl for exercising her right to not consent only highlights how the family misunderstands the concept of honor by furthering their dishonorable behavior by scapegoating her.}

Hopefully, the public discussion will serve to open some eyes in this regard.