Religion and humour

[9Harmony]

Originally Posted by lunamoth

Whew! Glad I'm not the only deviant around here.

I never actually go out of my way to watch it, and I'm cringing most of the time when it is on...but you just can't deny that it is funny.
cheers,
lunamoth

nope! you're not the only one.

and i'm exactly the same, i only watch it if i can't find anything else, but it never fails to make me laugh.

[bob x]

Which, if any, of these jokes is "offensive"?


...And Eve said unto Adam, Does this fig leaf make me look fat? And Adam was struck dumb, and became as one accurst.



...They brought unto Jesus a woman, taken in adultery, and said, By the Law this woman must be stoned, what sayst thou? And Jesus said, Let the one among you without sin cast the first stone. Out of the crowd came a great rock, and smote the woman's head. And Jesus said, Sometimes, Mom, you really tick me off.



God has been feeling frazzled lately, and called in the archangel Gabriel. "Gabe", He said, "I need a vacation. Got any ideas?"
"Well, Lord, there is a really exciting supernova in the Andromeda Galaxy."
"No, no, I want to get AWAY from it all!"
"There's always the Black Hole of Cygnus X. There's nothing in there."
"No, no, I don't mean nothingness, I want something soothing."
"The Rings of Saturn are always lovely this time of eon."
"Oh, booooring! If I've seen them once, I've seen them a billion times. I want to do something relaxing, like go fishing maybe."
"There's lots of water on Planet Earth."
"Oh heavens no, I can't go THERE!"
"Why not, Lord?"
"I went there, a couple thousand years ago, had an affair with a nice Jewish girl, and would you believe? THEY'RE STILL GOSSIPING ABOUT IT!"

[Ciel]

Thanks Bob,

On a level of truth;

The first, is some what sad and demeaning.

The second somewhat cruel.

But how I enjoyed the third.

[wil]

first was eh, 2nd was great third was hilarioius

[bob x]

LOST CHAPTERS OF THE TORAH:

Of any of the cereal grains thou mayest eat, of the wheat, whether puffed or shredded or even frosted with sugar, or of the corn that is flaked, or of multicolored circles of unknown provenance, but not in the living room. Neither mayest thou eat sandwiches in the living room, nor cookies, nor anything that thou puttest into thy mouth, not milk nor any kind of juice, nay, not even in sippy cups. Even the black strip which divides the carpet from the linoleum is the beginning of the living room, and no portion of thy food nor drink shall pass over it, lest thou know wrath. For I have brought thee into this world, and I can take thee out. But if thou art sick, and home from school, and lie upon the sofa, and thy mother bringeth thee ginger ale and soda crackers, then thou mayest eat in the living room.

[Pathless]

Originally Posted by bob x

LOST CHAPTERS OF THE TORAH:

Of any of the cereal grains thou mayest eat, of the wheat, whether puffed or shredded or even frosted with sugar, or of the corn that is flaked, or of multicolored circles of unknown provenance, but not in the living room. Neither mayest thou eat sandwiches in the living room, nor cookies, nor anything that thou puttest into thy mouth, not milk nor any kind of juice, nay, not even in sippy cups. Even the black strip which divides the carpet from the linoleum is the beginning of the living room, and no portion of thy food nor drink shall pass over it, lest thou know wrath. For I have brought thee into this world, and I can take thee out. But if thou art sick, and home from school, and lie upon the sofa, and thy mother bringeth thee ginger ale and soda crackers, then thou mayest eat in the living room.

I like. And the third one from the first group, as well.

[InLove]

Cute, Pathless!

You know, I am beginning to wonder if I am a bit twisted or something--I didn't even know South Park was about religion, because I watched about five minutes of it once and never returned! LOL--but, then again, I did not like The Simpsons when they first came out (I changed my mind later, to some extent), and I hear that some churches actually integrated that program into their Sunday School lessons??

But am I twisted because I think joke #2 is funny??

InPeace,
InLove

[wil]

Bring out the holy hand grenade.....

to blow all blasphemous jokes to little bitty bits....

to put all heretical books in an inferno...

our wonderful selective holy hand grenade that thinks only as I and will impose my judgement on all...

heaven knows we don't want them laughing....

[InLove]

Indeed, wil--well put!

[bob x]

From the inimitable Rowan Atkinson ("Mr. Bean"):


And the Lord said unto the servants, fill these barrels with water. Then he said unto them, Draw forth and taste, and behold, it was wine. And the servants were sore amazed, and clapped their hands, and said, That was a good one! How didst thou do that?
But the Lord did change the subject, saying, For the kingdom of heaven is like unto a house of cards, pick ye a card, any card.
And they brought unto him a man that was sick of the palsy, and carried about on a stretcher, and said, Here is a man that is sick of the palsy. And the Lord said, If thou hadst to be carried about on a stretcher, thou shouldst be mighty sick of the palsy too!
And the servants were overjoyed, and said, Lord, thy one-liners are as good as thy tricks! Dost thou do children's birthday parties? But the Lord said, Nay, indeed...

[InquisitiveInHalifax]

Originally Posted by bob x

LOST CHAPTERS OF THE TORAH:

Of any of the cereal grains thou mayest eat, of the wheat, whether puffed or shredded or even frosted with sugar, or of the corn that is flaked, or of multicolored circles of unknown provenance, but not in the living room. Neither mayest thou eat sandwiches in the living room, nor cookies, nor anything that thou puttest into thy mouth, not milk nor any kind of juice, nay, not even in sippy cups. Even the black strip which divides the carpet from the linoleum is the beginning of the living room, and no portion of thy food nor drink shall pass over it, lest thou know wrath. For I have brought thee into this world, and I can take thee out. But if thou art sick, and home from school, and lie upon the sofa, and thy mother bringeth thee ginger ale and soda crackers, then thou mayest eat in the living room.

Then you've met my mother?! ROTFL! We take the whole 'cleanliness is close to godliness' part a bit too far in my family. I think I'd like to print that off and have it framed.

I must admit I got a chuckled out of all three of the previous jokes too!

[bob x]

So far you're the first one to like all three.

A mother used to walk her third-grader to school every morning, until one day he said, "I'm a big boy now, I can walk to school by myself!"
So she said OK, but being a mom, she went next-door to Mrs. Guinness, who walked her daughter to school at the same time, and said, "My boy is getting eight-year-old proud, and wants to walk to school by himself without me tagging along. So could you keep an eye on him from now on? Only don't be too obvious about it, or he'll know I put you on him."
Every morning then, Mrs. Guinness and her girl would tag along about a half-block behind. Of course he noticed, and his friends noticed, and one day one of them asked him about it.
He said, "I guess I have to get used to it. My mom has been teaching me to pray the 22nd Psalm, and it says, SHIRLEY GUINNESS AND MARCY WILL FOLLOW ME ALL MY DAYS."

[I, Brian]

Good to see you posting, bob x.

[littlemissattitude]

I thought all three of those were funny, Bob. I do have to say that I liked "...and they're still gossiping about it" the best, though.

[bob x]

Thou shalt not covet thy brother's truck, nor his crayons, nor his blankie, nor anything that is thy brother's. For thou hast thine own truck, and behold, as the one truck is, even so is the other. Doth not thine own crayon box contain all manner of colors? And as thy brother hath his blankie, which he loveth, so dost thou love thy stuffed bear. Hold thy bear, and be consoled. Now if perchance thy brother should stretch forth his hand, and snatch away thy bear, indeed that is an abomination, yet thou shalt not smite thy brother. For he is little, and hath not the wisdom and understanding which pertaineth to thy age. Neither shalt thou scream, nor cry out in loud lamentation, lest thou try my long-suffering patience, and be sent into bitter exile, in the place of time-out. Plead the justice of thy cause gently, and I shall hear thee. Surely I will reprove thy brother, and thou shalt see the restoration of thy bear.