Pakistan and Relationships

[Nagoya]

Forgive me if this has been already asked before, I searched for it but couldn't find answers to my questions.

A Friend of mine lives in Karachi, Pakistan, and I have always wondered how relationships between a boy and a girl are being born there. I tried to ask him but he doesn't like to talk about it for some reason, and I don't like to bother him with things he doesn't want to talk about.

I heard that in Pakistan, there is no such thing as a boyfriend/girlfriend relationship, and that a boy and a girl only have permission to get into a relationship once they are getting married. I don't know if I understood it right so that's why I would like to ask again.

So does that mean a boy and a girl can't decide themselves to get into a relationship, since their parents are the ones that decide who would be a good partner for their son or daughter?

And what would happen if a boy decides to fall in love with a girl before marriage (no matter if she likes him back or not, just the idea of the guy falling in love)

My friend is going to a mixed school now, and I was wondering how it works there, considering guys and girls are more together there. Doesn't that give more risks of people (trying) to come closer together? And how do parents look at that. Are they against a guy and a girl being friends cause it has a chance that it will develop into something more?

Also i would like to ask what the common age is of when people get married

These questions are really keeping me busy lately so I would really like to get some answers on them

Thank you very much for all the answers if I recieve any

Nagoya

[thipps]

Originally Posted by Nagoya

I heard that in Pakistan, there is no such thing as a boyfriend/girlfriend relationship, and that a boy and a girl only have permission to get into a relationship once they are getting married. I don't know if I understood it right so that's why I would like to ask again.
So does that mean a boy and a girl can't decide themselves to get into a relationship, since their parents are the ones that decide who would be a good partner for their son or daughter?

You asked this sort of question before. remember? Click here

And what would happen if a boy decides to fall in love with a girl before marriage (no matter if she likes him back or not, just the idea of the guy falling in love)

What do you mean "what would happen"? As a side note, if Islamic law is being followed, then the question doesnt arise.

My friend is going to a mixed school now, and I was wondering how it works there, considering guys and girls are more together there. Doesn't that give more risks of people (trying) to come closer together? And how do parents look at that. Are they against a guy and a girl being friends cause it has a chance that it will develop into something more?

as far as your friend's going to a mixed school is concerned, this is against islamic law. Islam prohobits this free mixing of men and women. The big reason you have pretty much stated yourself. too many things can and do happen. what thier parents might think is immaterial.

Also i would like to ask what the common age is of when people get married

whatever would be common in a person's respective country. It is more individualistic than anything else. Depends on one's circumstances. Some are able to marry at 19 and some not until they are 30.
Hope this helped.
And Allaah knows best.

[4peace]

I have a friend at work from Pakistan, Karachi, she is of course Muslim. However, she is western in some of her styles. Although she will prayer and eat only Halal.....her cousin lives in the SaudiKingdom and she has to cover herself up. When she leaves the country she rips it off! She can not stand it, once a bit of her hair nearly fell out and her husband was nearly arrested and killed for it!! This is disgusting I told her this and she agreed. I told her I do not like the way women are expected to live and she oddly agreed....with this comment on relationships she too agreed it was not fair........the one thing she truly find disgusting is when a women is raped she need 4 witnesses to get the guy or whoever....especially since even ADULTRY is a sin...contradicting. However, this is not Islamic law it was down to a president....a lawyer is fighting to have this reviewed anyway....I know some of this doesn't quite go to what was earlier mentioned but still interesting to discuss.

[Nagoya]

Originally Posted by thipps

as far as your friend's going to a mixed school is concerned, this is against islamic law. Islam prohobits this free mixing of men and women. The big reason you have pretty much stated yourself. too many things can and do happen. what thier parents might think is immaterial.

Thanks for your answer

However the school is located in Karachi, its a College, and my friend is 18, so I guess it's allowed then? Considering its located in Karachi itself and my friend is a muslim and ofcourse so are his parents.

I am a bit confused about that, If it's not allowed then how come those College's exist there and that my friend can go to it, while Its not allowed?

Also I know i asked the first question before, However i read some articles about muslims in Pakistan having a relationship before marriage, that made me doubt.

again I thank you very much for your answers ^^

[thipps]

Originally Posted by Nagoya

Thanks for your answer

However the school is located in Karachi, its a College, and my friend is 18, so I guess it's allowed then? Considering its located in Karachi itself and my friend is a muslim and ofcourse so are his parents.

no. its not ok. Neither the fact that your friend is 18, neither the fact that it is located in karachi and especially not the last two things.This is again a case of not practicing Islam in its totality. They will pray (which islam makes obligatory) but they will still send thier children to a mixed school (which Islam prohibits). Muslims should practice islam in its totality, not just what one wants to.

I am a bit confused about that, If it's not allowed then how come those College's exist there and that my friend can go to it, while Its not allowed?

Islam doesnt allow it but obviously the Pakistani Government doesnt care to implement islamic law in this regard.

Also I know i asked the first question before, However i read some articles about muslims in Pakistan having a relationship before marriage, that made me doubt.

Made you doubt what?

Hope this helped.
And Allaah knows best.

[PluckyAli]

A Friend of mine lives in Karachi, Pakistan, and I have always wondered how relationships between a boy and a girl are being born there. I tried to ask him but he doesn't like to talk about it for some reason, and I don't like to bother him with things he doesn't want to talk about.

Don't bother me about your personal relations.If He does/doesnot want to talk about or how relations go in pakistan especially karachi is a very very subjective question.

heard that in Pakistan, there is no such thing as a boyfriend/girlfriend relationship, and that a boy and a girl only have permission to get into a relationship once they are getting married. I don't know if I understood it right so that's why I would like to ask again

You heard completely wrong.Oh and how i know that?.Because i am native of pakistan.

So does that mean a boy and a girl can't decide themselves to get into a relationship, since their parents are the ones that decide who would be a good partner for their son or daughter?

Strictly No.According to islam you only have to cover your body(as in the bible),face covering is optional.Parents can only give advice,they don't have any right to choose their children mates.

And what would happen if a boy decides to fall in love with a girl before marriage (no matter if she likes him back or not, just the idea of the guy falling in love)

What Love?Decides?.I disagree with your philosphy of love(you can't decide to fall in love).One sided love is like commiting suicide.

My friend is going to a mixed school now, and I was wondering how it works there, considering guys and girls are more together there. Doesn't that give more risks of people (trying) to come closer together? And how do parents look at that. Are they against a guy and a girl being friends cause it has a chance that it will develop into something more?

That definitely gives risks of people trying to come close together,but there is no other way.In an under developed country like pakistan you can't construct separate building for guys and gals,you can't provide separate faculty and educational facilities to two different places.That's the reason co-education is permitted at higher levels.

Also i would like to ask what the common age is of when people get married

Common age varies from city to city.In karachi i have heard people usually get married when they are mature like 30-40.In other countries 25-30 is the common age(no statistics,just personal assumption).

When she leaves the country she rips it off! She can not stand it, once a bit of her hair nearly fell out and her husband was nearly arrested and killed for it!!

Since this has nothing to do with islam,Please don't tell us about customs and traditions of a particular town,city or a place.We hate it.

This is disgusting I told her this and she agreed. I told her I do not like the way women are expected to live and she oddly agreed....with this comment on relationships she too agreed it was not fair...

Same comment as above.
I

am a bit confused about that, If it's not allowed then how come those College's exist there and that my friend can go to it, while Its not allowed?

I think i have made it clear earlier.

Also I know i asked the first question before, However i read some articles about muslims in Pakistan having a relationship before marriage, that made me doubt.

What doubt?.You know suiciding is stricly prohibited in islam in all cirumstances(when i say all i mean all).But few muslims commit suicide and i have no doubt,they lack knowledge.

Islam doesnt allow it but obviously the Pakistani Government doesnt care to implement islamic law in this regard.

hahah.It's enough pakistani government is running the country,you know it's really enough and so hard.We believe it's more important to get education than to sit at home,that's why we have co-education at higher levels.And i remember seeing some veiled girls in the universities.In other words you can preserve your islamic values and at the same time get education in the universites.

[Nagoya]

Thanks for your answers

Originally Posted by PluckyAli

You heard completely wrong.Oh and how i know that?.Because i am native of pakistan.

I'm confused about it now, I mean He told me and hinted me himself that he was probably gonna get an arranged marriage, and told me that it would go that way. He basically said that His parents will probably choose a girl but that he has final saying in it.

Strictly No.According to islam you only have to cover your body(as in the bible),face covering is optional.Parents can only give advice,they don't have any right to choose their children mates.

Again the above, although I do mean that he does have the final saying in it or so he says.

What Love?Decides?.I disagree with your philosphy of love(you can't decide to fall in love).One sided love is like commiting suicide.

Forgive me for putting it the wrong way. I know what you mean, I just worded it wrong

Basically he told me that he can't have a girlfriend as it's not allowed in Islam because it could lead to Fornication before marriage. Basically the way Thipps explained it, but now you told me that it doesn't go like that. I am confused now lol. Maybe his parents are more strict? Or does it have to do with the traditions of the family?

Any answers would be really appreciated

[thipps]

Originally Posted by Nagoya

Basically he told me that he can't have a girlfriend as it's not allowed in Islam because it could lead to Fornication before marriage. Basically the way Thipps explained it, but now you told me that it doesn't go like that. I am confused now lol.
Any answers would be really appreciated

Nagoya, i need to make one thing clear:
I am speaking about what islam wants/expects. This is not necessarily always reflected in the practices of Muslims. What i told you is 100% right. what, i think, PluckyAli is simply saying that this requirement of Islam of forbidding co-education is being ignored in pakistan due the Governments financial and human resource situation. Thats all. so there is nothing to be confused about.
Secondly, your friend told you correctly that Islam doesnt allow him to have a girlfriend due to the reasons we both stated. Allowing free mixing of men & women is the first step. To some people, this may seem harmless or worth the risk. But the Wisdom in the laws of Allaah cannot be denied. Anyone who wants to take risks with his daughter's honour, .. well, thier deeds on thier heads. Just wearing the hijab (body covering) is not enough. The first step is allowing them to mix freely, then as the opportunities will present themselves, it will take a certain number of conversations, barriers start to break down and you start to feel "comfortable"... so on and so forth.

Maybe his parents are more strict? Or does it have to do with the traditions of the family?

What I think that the possible situation is.. that his parents and your friend are trying to follow islam as much as thier circumstances allow them. I can only assume that your friend is studying in a co-education instituation because he has no good alternative.
Rest, i think you should directly ask your friend these questions for clarification.
Hope this helped.
And Allaah knows best.

[thipps]

Originally Posted by PluckyAli

Don't bother me about your personal relations.If He does/doesnot want to talk about or how relations go in pakistan especially karachi is a very very subjective question.

No one emailed you personally. This is a public forum.No one asked you to reply. The question was asked politely. Please reply in kind in future.

hahah.It's enough pakistani government is running the country,you know it's really enough and so hard.We believe it's more important to get education than to sit at home,that's why we have co-education at higher levels.And i remember seeing some veiled girls in the universities.In other words you can preserve your islamic values and at the same time get education in the universites.

I wasnt bashing pakistan. Just making the matter clear to Nagoya.

[PluckyAli]

[quote=Nagoya]

I'm confused about it now, I mean He told me and hinted me himself that he was probably gonna get an arranged marriage, and told me that it would go that way. He basically said that His parents will probably choose a girl but that he has final saying in it.

What's the confusion?.It's everyone personal choice.You asked me about gf/bf concepts,and i told you these concepts exist but at the same time i forgot to told you it's against the teaching of islam.

Again the above, although I do mean that he does have the final saying in it or so he says.

Again it's everyone personal choice,arrange or love marriage has nothing to do with islam.I mean you could like a girl and tell your parents i like her,in this way it will be love marriage.

Basically he told me that he can't have a girlfriend as it's not allowed in Islam because it could lead to Fornication before marriage. Basically the way Thipps explained it, but now you told me that it doesn't go like that.

When i told you it doesnot go like that?.It depends on the relationship,And finally all pre-martial relationship are against the teaching of islam.I was telling you about the relationship's in pakistan and not about how islam sees it,cuz thipss had already made it clear.

[PluckyAli]

No one emailed you personally. This is a public forum.No one asked you to reply. The question was asked politely. Please reply in kind in future.

Salaam thipps,
ah,ok.that was my mistake.I apologize to nagoya.Be free to criticize me next time.but i dont' get one thing,what's the point to pm me when you were going to write the same thing here at the same time?