Neologisms

Snoopy · 03-01-2007, 08:39 PM

Hi,

Once again, The Washington Post has published the winning submissions
to

its yearly neologism contest, in which readers are asked to supply

alternate

meanings for common words. The winners are:

1. Coffee (n.), the person upon whom one coughs.

2. Flabbergasted (adj.), appalled over how much weight you have gained.

3 . Abdicate (v.), to give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach.

4. Esplanade (v.), to attempt an explanation while drunk.

5. Willy-nilly (adj.), impotent.

6. Negligent (adj.), describes a condition in which you absentmindedly

answer the door in your nightgown.

7. Lymph (v.), to walk with a lisp.

8. Gargoyle (n.), olive-flavored mouthwash.

9. Flatulence (n.) emergency vehicle that picks you up after you are
run

over by a steamroller.

10. Balderdash (n.), a rapidly receding hairline.

11. Testicle (n.), a humorous question on an exam.

12. Rectitude (n.), the formal, dignified bearing adopted by

proctologists.

13. Pokemon (n), a Rastafarian proctologist.

14. Oyster (n.), a person who sprinkles his conversation with
Yiddishisms.

15. Frisbeetarianism (n.), (back by popular demand): The belief that,
when

you die, your soul flies up onto the roof and gets stuck there.

16. Circumvent (n.), an opening in the front of boxer shorts worn by

Jewish men.

The Washington Post's Style Invitational also asked readers to take any

word from the dictionary, alter it by adding, subtracting, or changing

just one letter, and supply a new definition. Here are this year's

winners:

1. Bozone (n.): The substance surrounding stupid people that stops
bright

ideas from penetrating. The bozone layer, unfortunately, shows little
sign

of breaking

down in the near future.

2. Foreploy (v): Any misrepresentation about yourself for the purpose
of

getting laid.

3. Cashtration (n.): The act of buying a house, which renders the
subject

financially impotent for an indefinite period.

4. Giraffiti (n): Vandalism spray-painted very, very high.

5. Sarchasm (n): The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the

person who doesn't get it.

6. Inoculatte (v): To take coffee intravenously when you are running
late.

7. Hipatitis (n): Terminal coolness.

8. Osteopornosis (n): A degenerate disease. (This one got extra
credit.)

9. Karmageddon (n): it's like, when everybody is sending off all these

really bad vibes, right? And then, like, the Earth explodes and it's
like,

a serious bummer.

10. Decafalon (n.): The grueling event of getting through the day

consuming only things that are good for you.

11. Glibido (v): All talk and no action.

12. Dopeler effect (n): The tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter
when

they come at you rapidly.

13. Arachnoleptic fit (n.): The frantic dance performed just after
you've

accidentally walked through a spider web.

14. Beelzebug (n.): Satan in the form of a mosquito that gets into your

bedroom at three in the morning and cannot be cast out.

15. Caterpallor (n.): The color you turn after finding half a grub in
the

fruit you're eating.

And the pick of the literature:

16. Ignoranus (n): A person who's both stupid and an a**hole.