Mother vs Faith

[Rouge47]

Normally I am very educationally smart and do well in school. However, for this last six weeks in highschool I made a "C" in chemistry. Not my best subject. My Mom went crazy and I felt like I wanted to kill her and myself in the process. She threatened that if I don't bring up my grades then she will prohibit me from going to my youth group.
Now that is isn't right. I know that as a citizen of America, and one of Gods children, I have the freedom of religion. The youth group that I go to is really the only thing that really motivated me to believe in Christ. They are like a family to me. They have prayed for me, comforted me, responded when I was in need, helped me through tough times, and motivated me.
My Dad says that my Mom is only trying to motivate me. But how is this possible when I am actually afraid of her. She isn't motivating me, she is only putting pressure and fear inside of me. Hope Gorden, my youth leader, even lets us bring our homework up to the church before youth starts so we can work on it and get help from others! Why would she be taking away an opportunity to bring up my grades when she wants to bring them up? Why does she have to yell at me EVERY TIME I MESS SOMETHING UP!!!??? I PASSED didn't I??!!
Those people are the only people that ever helped me to keep up my faith. I can't do it without them! If she wants me to believe in God and if she wants me to bring up my grades then why, why, why is she going to take away my youth group ??????!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I need help on how to handle this. I couldn't tell her this because I knew not what she would say. I knew not what she would even do. I love her very much, but for Christ's sake why is she wanting to do this?! I need help, I need answers, I NEED MY YOUTH GROUP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[wil]

Paul James,

There are no real manuals or training for parents. We do the best we can. We all grew up saying we wouldn't be like our parents were to us. But it all comes out the wrong way sometime.

Know that your mother loves you and cares for you beyond belief. That is why she is trying to encourage you by taking something that you care about and use it as a carrot to get you to do something she cares about. Your future.

In this world, the earthly plane, we are graded by grades. C to you is passing, to the school system is average, to an employer it indicates you didn't try, and to your mother....she knows you can do better and wants nothing but the best for you.

She birthed you, is feeding you, is raising you to the best of her ability, do this for her, you know you have the capability make her proud, it is a little thing and it means so much to her.

Give her a hug, tell her you understand her concern and that you will knuckle down (if you will and do of course) and tell her there are not only people at youth group that will assist you on the motivation end, but also the education end...and you will seek them out and raise your grades. Talk to your teachers, tell them you are turning over a new leaf, ask them to regularly give you feedback and indications of how you can do better and raise your grades. Believe it our not, they love you too, that is why they are in the system. Teachers are an amazing group of people they live to have their students surpass them! That is rare, most people are out to be the best...your parents and teachers are planning, hoping, praying, working toward you being better than them...let that wash over like a waterfall every time you think they are being hard on you....it is all out of love.

We also know you are capable...and are willing to shine our lights to brighten your path as well.

all the best, namaste,

[I, Brian]

Originally Posted by Paul James

I need help on how to handle this. I couldn't tell her this because I knew not what she would say. I knew not what she would even do. I love her very much, but for Christ's sake why is she wanting to do this?! I need help, I need answers, I NEED MY YOUTH GROUP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

This is what you need to tell your mother about.

Communication really is everything in life - the biggest regrets can be from words not said that should have been said.

I know it feels odd, but approach your mother with your concerns. Push away fear of the unknown for her response - be truthful with what you feel you need to tell her, then you've made the most important step on the issue.

[Tao_Equus]

I was touched by the depth of feeling in your post and agree with Brian that better communication is the key to getting past this. It might be a good idea to print out a copy of your post and leaving it where she is sure to find it. This will 'prime' her to not just attempt to use the stick, and I see no carrot being dangled in your words, but to give due consideration to your deepest feelings which are after all a lot more important that a chemistry grade. Once 'primed' she should be easier to talk to and it will be a lot less likely to descend into a shouting match.
I wish you the best of luck both with your mother and your grades.

[pseudonymous]

you may try speaking to someone - a counselor perhaps - of your youth group, and see if you can get a mediator between you and your mom...perhaps there is too much of a heat trap between you that someone in the middle with experience can help cool down.


you two may be a lot alike, and not know it...i see that with my siblings and my late mother...the ones most upset by her were the ones most like her personality...

good luck, you seem a thoughtful person...i am sure you will do fine...as they say: "this too will pass"

p-

[Rouge47]

Originally Posted by I, Brian

This is what you need to tell your mother about.

Communication really is everything in life - the biggest regrets can be from words not said that should have been said.

I know it feels odd, but approach your mother with your concerns. Push away fear of the unknown for her response - be truthful with what you feel you need to tell her, then you've made the most important step on the issue.

I have tried to tell her Brian, but the thing is I am afraid to speak with her. Like I said before, she always puts fear in me. When she talked to me this morning she was the hammer and I was the nail. Everytime she came down on me I hurt inside.
I would talk to a counselor if I could, but I can't. All of my school counselors are out on vacation and there is no way that I can afford to pay a professional. Thank you all for the thoughts and suggestions, but they don't help me. I've either been through them before or I know that they won't work. And my dad can only lecture me, which doesn't work. Is there any other way?

[Bandit]

i remember the first time i came home drunk, the first time i came home stoned & the first time i got laid. my mom KNEW before i did & there was no discussion that was going to change the way she was about it. it was more than fear- it was almost like, get it right or get out.

if you got a C, what is it she wants to be happy? will a B- be sufficient?
hey Paul, maybe you could explain it to your teacher & see what he says & maybe he will work it out next semester so that you can do extra credit or something. some teachers do offer that.

my parents never came down on us for a C. maybe she thinks it is too close to a D & she is worried you will go below average & she is yelling because she does not know the right way to tell you that. or it could be pressure from something else that you dont know about & she is just directing anger toward you.
people do that often & take it out on the people they love the most. i know that makes no sense, but it is true.

[miclason]

I understand about being afraid of your Mom...I used to be very afraid of my mom growing up...I think the best solution might be to write her a letter explaining how you feel - start with how you feel about your C and about the youth group and that you can get help to improve your grades there, finish with how you are scared of her reactions- she probably doesn't even know you're afraid of her, or that she hurts you when she yells at you...

Best of luck!

[Rouge47]

Thank you very much, everyone, for taking the time to give your opinions. I really appreciated it. I needed the help, a lot. I think my mom and I are much better now. We started talking again and it made me feel good inside.


Thanks again,
Paul