Jokes, jokes, and more jokes ...

[Saltmeister]

What's the difference between a lawyer and a bag of manure?

The bag.

[Saltmeister]

Why did the first koala fall out of the tree?
Because it was dead

Why did the boy fall off his bike?
The first koala fell on top of him.

Why did the second koala fall out of the tree?
It was holding onto the first koala

Why did the third koala fall out of the tree?
Peer pressure

Why did the kangaroo die?
Because 3 koalas fell on it.

Why did the monkey fall out of the tree?
It was doing a koala impression.

Why did the fourth koala fall out of the tree?
It thought it was a game

Why did the tree fall over?
It thought it was a koala!!

[greymare]

thats good salty. I thought they were very funny. lol

[Phyllis Sidhe_Uaine]

This is from BRPS (Bad Roleplayers Suck), a rant community on Live Journal. The original poster's moniker is beardedtroll (no, it's not me.)
************************************************** ********

GM: Okay, we're all here, so we can start the game. Now, what
characters have you come... If you could just turn off your phones for
now? ... Could you please turn off your phones? ... Excuse me,
but could ... TURN OF THE DAMNED PHONES BEFORE I STRANGLE YOU ALL AND
SELL YOUR ORGANS ON THE BLACK MARKET! ... Thank you. As I was
saying, we're about ready to start, so if you could tell me your
characters?

Player 1: I'm playing Black Beauty.

GM: Um...

Player 2: What? You can't play Black Beauty. I'm playing Black
Beauty.

Player 1: Oh yeah? Well, I thought of it first so I'm playing
Black Beauty.

GM: I'm sure we can work something...

Player 3: Actually, my character is the real Black Beauty. If
you two want to play characters who think they are Black
Beauty, that's fine with me; my character will just think they've
escaped from an asylum or something.

GM: Um... Horses don't have asylums in this game, Player 3.

Player 1, in the background: Oh yeah?
Player 2, also in the background: Yeah!

Player 4: They don't? Damned, then I have to rework my characters
bacground.

Player 3, in the background: I'm playing the real one.

GM: ... Okay, I'll let you work on that. Err, Player 5. ... You're
not playing Black Beauty too, are you?

Player 5: No, I'm playing a human rider!

GM: Oh, good! We need those.

Player 5: She's Monaco Hilton, Paris' more glamorous sister.

Player 1, still in the bacground: Oh yeah?
Player 2, ditto: Yeah, really
Player 3, likewise: No, I'm the really one.

GM: I'm in hell.

Player 4: Okay, I'm done!

GM: If you're playing Black Beauty too I'll kill you.

Player 4: Huh? No, I'm playing a donkey.

GM: A donkey?

Player 4: Yeah! An army donkey. He's a veteran of the Vietnam war and
have violent flashbacks and a drug addiction!

Player 2, to GM: I'm the one playing Black Beauty, right?

Player 3: She doen't get to play the real Black Beauty!

Player 1: I made my character first!

Player 3: We made them at the same time, but I'm playing the real
Black Beauty because I'm the better player!

Player 5: I didn't put any points into riding. I know the rules say
you have to, but I figured that my character could have a chauffeur
who does all the riding for her, right?

Player 2: If I'm not playing Black Beauty, I'm not playing!

Player 1: Bye!

Player 3: I told you, your character can think she's Black
Beauty.

Player 4: Donkeys can use guns, right? I mean, if they're been in the
army? The can hold them in their teeth, and pull the trigger with
their tongue, right?

...

GM: Hey, it's me. No, the game sort of collapsed. No, I'm just sitting
at home watching TV right now. Say, what's the street price of
pancreas these days?

************************************************** ********
Sorry for the c/p job (as you can see, it's rather long.) The original thread is rather, um, "ranty".

Phyllis Sidhe_Uaine

[Snoopy]

A woman asks a Zen Master "Is there life after death?"

The Zen Master replies "How should I know?"

The woman responds indignantly "Because you're a Zen Master!!"

"Yes," says the Zen Master, "but not a dead one."


s.

[Dah-veeth]

Originally Posted by Snoopy

A woman asks a Zen Master "Is there life after death?"

The Zen Master replies "How should I know?"

The woman responds indignantly "Because you're a Zen Master!!"

"Yes," says the Zen Master, "but not a dead one."


s.

These jokes only make sense in Spanish:

Que pasa? Ciruela!
Que onda? Oceano!
Que es eso? Queso!

Ciruela pasa = prune... que pasa? = lit. what's passing?
Oceano onda = the ocean is waving... que onda = lit. what's waving?

Both que pasa and que onda are used as "What's up?"

Queso = cheese... que es eso = what is that?

[Saltmeister]

Originally Posted by Dah-veeth

Que onda? Oceano!
Oceano onda = the ocean is waving... que onda = lit. what's waving?

Here's another good one:

What's waving? The Mexican wave!!!

What's that in Spanish? Is it something like Mexicana onda? Just a guess.

[Snoopy]

Q. How many Zen Masters does it take to change a light bulb?

A. The cypress tree in the courtyard.






s.

[Quahom1]

Originally Posted by Snoopy

Q. How many Zen Masters does it take to change a light bulb?

A. The cypress tree in the courtyard.






s.

Not the way I heard it. I thought none were required because they already had the inner light...