it might be too late for me

[shadowman]

yes, tis is what makes sense to me. that man manifests reality and looks at life in temrs of the associations he has been taught/picked up wit certain myths, avatar figures, archetypes ad oter ideas.

but im dealing with intangible mmbo jumbo now

i wonder if christianity is really right.

i go on sites like "christiananswers.net and am perplexed, it seems so silly and so obviously psychological

but then again

i did blsheme

i did "have a feeling" precvious to this, and on several times, that jesus was real. i just attributed it to brainwahsing, ad to feelng good becuase i "knew" that jesus was associated wit savig someone from ell and sending to heaven.

christians and the bible ad sites dont stand up to intense scientidfic questioning i thoght. i still think

bt now im like, well jesus, it doesnt make any sense to me but ibeleive

and i hear a voice saying, sorry ,it is too late. i hear you calling but it is too late

i didc all on satan after all. that means i called on what was evil

maybe i tohught evil was good, thereby thinkig that jesus was bad, which is blasphemig the holy spirit.

this is maybe what i did.

even now
'
if i convert, i dont nkow how will save other souls.

college kids will come at me with their dumb questions, i could convert most people to christianity you realize. most anti christians dont know how to argue against christianity. i can do it, but if i was a chrisitan i wouldnt know what to tell them

i would say. i know. its crazy. just hope that heaven is gonna kick ass, becuase its completely funking crazy!

of course i am in love wit the world, i like indians and i like vodou "cults"

if i wnet to a missionary there, would i feel like i was in the unclean presence of evil. n i woud not. i dont understand. why can i understand christian arguments, but they cant understand my arguments.


i can see how everything is psychological and made up of complexes and associations in the mind..

god seems revealed through humans reaching beautiful potential and beauty

i see this in all faiths and walks of faith

or maybe i dont

maybe im deluded into loving the world
im too scared of ell

i know that christians sometimes say this isnt a reason to ecome christian

i dont nkow how to get my mind around hell

i dont care

teir arguments are absurd

its basically like this

"god is completely waco but he can be wacko, we beleive he is god and can do what he wants, we somehow define this whole thing as love and we use reason sometimes but when confronted with reason wego th parts of the bible that dsecry reason, also, it doesnt seem wacko to us becuase its god. and if you think its wacko, too bad, it is still god."

when christians use "logic" or try to "reason"

it makes me wNT TO PULL MY EYES OUT.

but ineed to surrender and be saved. im going to a church thi sunday. a girl i like goes there, if ibecome christian then she might like me, as it stands she will only marry a christian. i just want to be right with god nd with ahave a girl that loves me, and then i will devote my life to feeding children and spreading the gospel

hopefully the part of me that loves worl culture will be burned out by gods love. i will make christian music, everyrhing wil lbe ok, i can still follow my passions and be a christan. well i can be a christian in accordance with my talents i suppose, i see what i can contribute to the christian movement. great food from heathen cultures, and christian music with most of its musical influence from heathen music. i will finally go tohaiti and finally learn creole and ten i wil lstart converting yorubans from their evil cult. i will go to india too and convert all of them as well. the whole world will be converted. maybe the reason i had a love of all these other cultures was so it would be easier for me to convert them

but i peoabably wont convert.

there is a voice inside me telling me its too late.

i think i blasphemed against the holy spirit.

the feeling that makes me think jesus is real. i had it before all this started.

i still get it sometimes, but i feel that it too late anyway

there is a voice saying "no" "no im sorry" its too late. sometimes the voice says "all you can do i spread te message"

i must have really contacted satan

and blasphemed.

before my voices got this bad i heard a voice saying "if you follow this path, you are gonna burn in hell forever" now its too late. the voic tells me its too late. i didnt heed the warning and it is really too late i fear.

[shadowman]

here are background posts

sometmes i t was like people were tlaking about whatever was on my mind, other times aboout things i didnt think i was thinking about

at first the voices had to do with fears of mine

people would talk about my sexuality (i am straight, possibly bi, i think everyone might be bi) and voices (people around me) were calling me gay

i had a lot of problems wit my folks and at home so people would call me a jerk, evil child, abusive child etc

in the height of a delusion and on marijuana at the time, i started calling out for supernatural assistance trying to stop voices and delusions

i didnt think god was answering

so i got on a musical instrumenrt and played the devils interval (perfect seventh) trying to get satan to respon

he did, the experience teerrified me

i had knowledge that he existed which was what i wanted (i just wanted an answer from some form of divinity)

i heard voices inside me talking, some yelling at me

i can have your soul now! anorther weaker terrified voice said "yes"
i didnt think i wanted to say yes

as i start to analyze my situation from a jungian situation, i think part of me did want to live out this bizarre hopeless myth but tharts another story

right now i am in a world where i feel doomed and hopeless, knowing after i die i will be tormented forever, fried in oil, things of that nature

i thik i have psychic ability, able to read others tohughts (not when i want to of course)

i especially have a conection with other lost souls, witches, =damned, evil children, bad seeds, etc

i try callignthe m out in public, interoggatig them without actually asking "hey did you sell your soul too?"

i hear them say yes its true, its real, its horrible

just shut upo and stop worrying about it, turn your brain off

i guess these are all complexes from my shadow (according to jung) talking to me

and i had an archetypal experience with the devil

my rational side doesnt beleive in christ an all rhat

altohugh sometimes voices seem to want me to go back to christianity

well im glad i found this place

i will post up my whole story from a psychological standpoint to explain what happened

[shadowman]

well the things i hear are "you're doomed" "you can't fight it" "its too late"

i think i hear people whispering to me "we know what you did"

sometimes i think i got musical knowledge. after that encounter in my head when isaid yes, the next day i made a big musical breakthrough

iu had been doing a lot of practicing, listening and thinking, but it was oethat helped immensly

sometimes i see people i life and its like we have an unspoken connection

sometimes i think groups of damned souls are seeking me out to give me a secret hint to meet them in some place where the damned souls meet and grieve, or cry, or do whatever they do.

no i dont think i lost anyhing right now.

i am terrified that when i die im going to be tortured for ever.

i sometimes thik my face is changing, tat i have a terrified visage, or am taking on demonic aspects, i even noticce a dent in my forhead when i raise my eyes, a dent appears above my eyes in the shape of a downwards pointing triangle..

i know tis follows t skull to an extent.

but it seems weird. probably came from too much anger as a child/teen


there is a woman who comes to my wprkplace with a lost sad, forlorn look on her face, her eyes are very dark. whenever se sees me she looks away almost immediately, and today he took off right awayy.

i wonder if i should confront her.

i have a funny feeling that we bot know what we did

i even hear birds appearng to mock me wit their birdcalls

i wonder if talk is spreading around town about te crazy kid who sold his soul.

i think that everyone i talk to about this thinks that its really true (including you guys) and are just trying to make me feel better while i am still alive.

intresting eh?

[shadowman]

dont know, i think i sold my soul

either that or i offended the god/s

sometihng is not really right with me.

i feel like my eyes are open in a weird way where i can notive other doomed/damned souls.

i wonder if a lot more people know they are dmaned, or sold their souls.

i know i was more bad then good for a while. ive been hopeing that in the past while ive been slaying the anger/hate/fear demo i cultivated by years of an angry hateful, jerky, spoiled ass hole relationship with my parents. sure i wanted to change back then, i tohught i did, i said i was sorry, but i dont think i meant it. because i didnt really change. i wasnt responsible until really after i started hearing oices, and after itried praying to satan and after i thought that i might have iven him my soul

i heard a voice ask, another voice said yes. maybe i gave into my own dark side, maybe i gave into a dark spirit becuase i tohught/knoew i was bad enough to deserve hell

dont know

maybe if you are bad enough the evil spirits take notice or the god takes his wrath on you.

i am positive i have spotted other lost/damned souls.

its like having etes opened by god/jesus, but the oter way around. its like being unblessed or unholy

like robert johnson, feeling doomed, feeling like wen i die, the **** is gonna hit the fan.

i dont know what i got, if i did indeed contact a dark ofrce. i rmeember a few things, everything has been confusiong since i started hearing crap and having delusions

i know i asked satan to reveal himself, if he was real, and to tell me the truth, i know i kind of thouht maybe i could get super powers like musical ability, now i dont think i am tat good at anyhing, bt the better i get, the more i worry that 9 am gettign good becuase satan showed me another way of understanding, i know the devil is supposed to love to grant knowledge.

icant bring myself to practice music anymore. i made big advancements in understanding how t all works, and how to practice with hthe goal of insturment master ship in mind. im worried i only understand now becuase i cheated with wevil spirits.

i did always spend a lot of time thinking about music, and playing and listenig. i always tried to make is simpler and simpler. too bad i had some of my biggest breakthroughs after maybe or maybe ot contacting satan.

and if i really did

well i wanted truth

does that eman i got it?

fundamentalists where right all along?

or maybe all religions are right and whatever te evil force is, it only damns you if oyu were acting evil, like me.

i still think thwre is some weird conspiracy tuff hoing on, where i can spot other damned souls, and they can spot me.

[Dor]

One simple thing. It is never to late.

[shadowman]

thank you dor, i really want to beleive that. i want to be forgiven. really. iknow i arge a lot and there is a lot i dont understand.

but i think i migt be unforgivable. the unforgivable sin. i think i have doe it.

i say i have felt joy before, wen i knew i was a sinner, and i would read tht jesus gives hop ad is everything i felt great. but then i would go on with my "Agnostic/gnostic/free thinker" you see how much i argue against you gys. im still arguing

but i was hit hard by depression, voice eharing, all kinds of things a few months ago.

i changed my life as much as i could, but i still hear voices when i go about life/\. its too late, you know what you did.

i called on satan, i let him in. i dont know if ti was real or psychological, but it seemed real enough thati was terrified. and sicne then i dont know how to deal wit hit. i feel better becuase i have been treating people kinder ad living more responsibly, but my world is stil upside down.

i feel like i did something unholy and its too late.

[mee]

"Draw close to God, and he will draw close to you."—JAMES 4:8.
"[God] is not far off from each one of us."—ACTS 17:27.
if we take steps to draw close to God, he will respond to our efforts.

[shadowman]

no

when i pray i hear a voice almost immediately reply no

its too late

im sorry

[mee]

Originally Posted by shadowman

no

when i pray i hear a voice almost immediately reply no

its too late

im sorry

its not to late if you dont listen to that voice , remember the Almighty is stronger than satan , but we have to put our foot in the water so to speak. remember eve,she listened to the deciever, who do we want to listen too.i am sorry if this sounds mean but at the end of the day , we all make choices to do what is right or to do what is wrong. God tells us what is right and what is wrong in the bible . but do we listen to his voice .

[InLove]

Dear Shadowman--consider this:

Just as I am, without one plea,
But that Thy blood was shed for me,
And that Thou bidst me come to Thee,
O Lamb of God, I come, I come.

Just as I am, and waiting not
To rid my soul of one dark blot,
To Thee whose blood can cleanse each spot,
O Lamb of God, I come, I come.

Just as I am, though tossed about
With many a conflict, many a doubt,
Fightings and fears within, without,
O Lamb of God, I come, I come.

Just as I am, poor, wretched, blind;
Sight, riches, healing of the mind,
Yea, all I need in Thee to find,
O Lamb of God, I come, I come.

Just as I am, Thou wilt receive,
Wilt welcome, pardon, cleanse, relieve;
Because Thy promise I believe,
O Lamb of God, I come, I come.

Just as I am, Thy love unknown
Hath broken every barrier down;
Now, to be Thine, yea, Thine alone,
O Lamb of God, I come, I come.

InPeace,
InLove

[cyberpi]

Shadow, what do you love about marijuana, voodoo dolls, 7th chord, and magic? I see a person claiming to be a skeptic for scientific reasons... yet from my point of view has been looking for answers in non-scientific ways. I guess a person gambling for answers at a casino is applying a form of measurement, but scientific measurement is to learn more about what you are measuring. Have you learned more about marijuana, voodoo dolls, and magic? Can they bring wisdom and prosperity?

Do you have kids?

[moseslmpg]

I think you are suffering from paranoid delusions. You have a schizoid personality right? Well, posting a bunch of threads on a message board is not going to help you, no matter what we say. Try not to give in to all that eternal damnation stuff, seeing as how it is unhealthy; also there's nothing wrong with voodoo dolls, marijuana (aside from illegality, of course), and definitely not a musical chord.

I'm not sure what you want us to do for you though, since you keep posting threads and asking vague questions to which you apparently know the answers to. What exactly are you asking from us?

[cyberpi]

Originally Posted by moseslmpg

Well, posting a bunch of threads on a message board is not going to help you, no matter what we say.

What, no family? Are you homeless? Went to a school but found no teachers?

Who is 'WE'?

[Terrence]

ayo Shadow man, I dont believe you. You dont seem to want God you just come off bored. I'd suggest if you really want to know truth, read the Bible - Its really that easy, after all! Jesus isnt Lost or hidding, you dont have to find Him. He will find you if you really desire Him. Do you want Him that you may become Holy as He is? Do you want to become a Slave of God and of Righteousness? I doubt it! Agian, I think you're just bored and have nothing better to do. If I'm right about you and you are bored, I'd suggest you get a wife or at least a Xbox 360 or something.

[cyberpi]

Originally Posted by Terrence

If I'm right about you and you are bored, I'd suggest you get a wife or at least a Xbox 360 or something.

So Terrence, you recommend getting a wife or an Xbox 360 or something? You speak a truth and I'd hate to be your wife. I tell you I think a person who mentions a FALSE or TRUE religion should go to Iraq and share the company with someone from a different religion who thinks the same way. How else does a person learn? I side with Oprah against your understanding of truth. Every liar speaks a truth. When you say "If I'm right" then I know that you are in the dark just as I am. See how that works?