is bigomy wrong? why? - Page 2

lunamoth · 03-31-2005, 02:26 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by truthseeker

It can be done in western society if the man is responsible enough, each woman understands her role in the household, and everybody's priorities are straight.

Care (dare) to elaborate?

Quahom1 · 03-31-2005, 02:42 AM

Oh man...talk about a "briar patch" for a family tree...

I don't mind saying I am not man enough to handle more than one woman (which is probably why I was gifted with sons instead of daughters).

v/r

Q

truthseeker · 03-31-2005, 03:11 AM

Sure.

Just like in a family of a monogamous relationship, everyone has responsibilities. Say, in the ideal family of one husband, one wife, and two children; the husband works, the wife doesn't work outside of the home, and the children are of school age:

The alarm clock goes off at 5am. The woman and man arise, the man hits the shower, the woman goes to the kitchen to make breakfast. He dresses, sits, they both have breakfast and indulge in adult discussion. He leaves at 6am. The woman goes to wake both the children to dress for school. She makes them breakfast, they eat breakfast, and the school bus has arrived at 7:30am or they are off walking down the street with friends or everybody gets in the second family car and the woman takes the children to school. The woman arrives back at home, gets a bit of rest, goes about her household duties, begins preparing dinner. By that time, the children are back at home from school - it's homework time - and whatever else before the man gets back home. The man arrives. He rests a bit. Then it's time for the evening meal. Everybody sits down as a family and spend that quality time. Then the children are off to bed or whatever it is they do. Maybe everyone gets time to themselves in the evening or they spend the evening together. Whatever. The day is done and everybody did what they were supposed to do to get through the day.

In a polygamous situation you have the same thing, just more people involved. It could get chaotic, but if everybody tends to their own business then it can be less chaotic. Say there is a husband and three wives. Altogether there are 6 children. The husband works (and he'd better have a damn good job...). One wife may not work outside the home and tends to the care of the children. Another wife may work part-time at a grocery store so the food can come at a discount (if the family is using their heads right) and the other time can be devoted to helping the stay-at-home wife keep the home in order. The third wife can have a full-time job, hopefully one that advocates the advancement of the household. As far as the sleeping arrangements, privacy always keeps down the chaos. Each wife should have her own space, as well as the husband should. They agree at which times they will share his bed, and everyone has their own business to attend to so it shouldn't go into anyone else's time.

No one can be selfish in this type of situation. Everyone has to work together. And if everyone respects everyone else's space and responsibilities, there should be minimum chaos and marvelous advancement for that family household. Seeing how this thing can work does not imply a polygamy revolution. Everybody in this situation has to be goal oriented and with a clear understanding of who they are. If a woman can not deal with another woman filling up time with a man that she sleeps with, then that woman can not be in this kind of relationship. And that's fine. Different strokes for different folks. There are still women out there though that have husband that have a mistress and they just deal with it because that relationship isn't up in their face. I would rather know and deal with it instead of playing a game and not being true to myself about a spouse that is not monogamous.

lunamoth · 03-31-2005, 03:13 PM

Truthseeker, you make me smile. As a happy stay-home-mom I sure could have a lot of fun with your description of the ideal family, especially that part about getting some rest.

And as for your description of the polygamous family,

. What happens if all three wives want to have full time jobs? Or all three want to stay home? And, with the kind of job needed to support all those people, the husband is going to have a hard time keeping up a relationship with one women, much less three. And did you notice that the sacrifices in lifestyle and choice are mostly being made by the women in your scenerio?

Never mind.

sign me an uppity Western woman,
lunamoth

littlemissattitude · 04-01-2005, 12:28 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by lunamoth

sign me an uppity Western woman,
lunamoth

As I've probably already demonstrated clearly, I'm another one of those uppity Western women who doesn't know her place.

I have to echo lunamoth's comments about the ideal monogamous family. I always thought I had grown up in the ultimate middle-class, "Beaver Cleaver" type family, which is what truthseeker's description sounds like, but it was nothing like that. My mother never got up to fix my father's breakfast (much to her mother's horror), at his request - he couldn't figure out why she should have to get up so early just because he did. And my father wasn't one of those men who just came home and "rested" because he was out there in the big, bad world, working all day. In fact, he helped with the housework whenever he could (not as often as he would have liked, as he often worked 12 to 15 hour days). And I also have to laugh at that "mother rests" thing. It's just too funny.

truthseeker · 04-01-2005, 02:04 AM

Ideal family situation. We do change day to day, eh?

Lunamoth, if everybody in the polygamous family situation were different people than the ideal situation that I described, then they could make it work according to the type of people they are. Everybody in polygamous situation would have to be okay with the way things are for it to work. There are many different types of women out there that have gone through different things that would make a situation such as bi/polygamy good for them.
Even if it was legal in western society, the women are too liberated for it to be a widespread thing anyhow. So be it.

littlemissattitude · 04-01-2005, 05:34 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by truthseeker

Even if it was legal in western society, the women are too liberated for it to be a widespread thing anyhow. So be it.

Well, I don't know. I'm slightly acquainted with a woman who has two husbands. Well, one is legal, and the other is in the relationship by mutual consent. It seems to work for them.

Bandit · 04-01-2005, 07:23 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Quahom1

Oh man...talk about a "briar patch" for a family tree...

I don't mind saying I am not man enough to handle more than one woman (which is probably why I was gifted with sons instead of daughters).

v/r

Q

a briar patch. ha ha ha

thistles and thorns out of all that whoopi.

i just dont think it is trutly possible to love & devote to more that one wife. at least more than one at a time.
seems there is more to it than love & an honest relationship in a harem.
i mean how can you have cake & eat it.

somewhere at sometime, someone is going to get hurt real bad, reguardless of agreements. IMO

Geist · 04-01-2005, 07:18 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by truthseeker

The alarm clock goes off at 5am. The woman and man arise, the man hits the shower, the woman goes to the kitchen to make breakfast. He dresses, sits, they both have breakfast and indulge in adult discussion. He leaves at 6am. The woman goes to wake both the children to dress for school. She makes them breakfast, they eat breakfast, and the school bus has arrived at 7:30am or they are off walking down the street with friends or everybody gets in the second family car and the woman takes the children to school. The woman arrives back at home, gets a bit of rest, goes about her household duties, begins preparing dinner. By that time, the children are back at home from school - it's homework time - and whatever else before the man gets back home. The man arrives. He rests a bit. Then it's time for the evening meal. Everybody sits down as a family and spend that quality time. Then the children are off to bed or whatever it is they do. Maybe everyone gets time to themselves in the evening or they spend the evening together. Whatever. The day is done and everybody did what they were supposed to do to get through the day.

I think thats a very sexist view point a woman is entitled to do as she pleases as does the man. I hate people who think like this. And on the down side most people can't aford to live like that anyway.

As for my opinion on bigomy I think that if everyones happy who cares? I think many people think its "Wrong" because the Bible gives you a guide line on how to live 2000 years ago and I believe that things have changed alot since then and so must peopels morals in life.

truthseeker · 04-01-2005, 07:25 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Geist

I think thats a very sexist view point a woman is entitled to do as she pleases as does the man. I hate people who think like this. And on the down side most people can't aford to live like that anyway.

Geist,

Perhaps you should read the whole conversation instead of speed-reading through it.

Don't hate the player, hate the game.

Geist · 04-01-2005, 08:53 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by truthseeker

Geist,

Perhaps you should read the whole conversation instead of speed-reading through it.

Don't hate the player, hate the game.

Can I hate the Graphics designer as well?

I know it was meant to be a joke however it still gets under my skin.

truthseeker · 04-01-2005, 09:31 PM

What gets under your skin? Bigomy? Polygamy? Because that's the discussion...

Geist · 04-01-2005, 09:57 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by truthseeker

What gets under your skin? Bigomy? Polygamy? Because that's the discussion...

The fact that people think its moraly (SP?) wrong. They can't think of something else to back up the argument its just moraly wrong or it is a sin or god says so etc. For example

Person 1: bigomy is moraly wrong
person 2: Why?
Person 1: Because God says so.

Can't people think for themselves or something?
I mean if someone said something like it might spread aids or something like that fair enough.

And the other thing that annoyed me is the way you tried to describe the "pefect" family.

I have an inferiority complex ok I don't like women being thought of as under men and your post flaired my temper.

truthseeker · 04-01-2005, 11:25 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Geist

The fact that people think its moraly (SP?) wrong. They can't think of something else to back up the argument its just moraly wrong or it is a sin or god says so etc. For example

Person 1: bigomy is moraly wrong
person 2: Why?
Person 1: Because God says so.

Can't people think for themselves or something?
I mean if someone said something like it might spread aids or something like that fair enough.

I agree. What makes it wrong is if it is forced. If everyone agrees I think it's great.

Quote:

And the other thing that annoyed me is the way you tried to describe the "pefect" family.

If you're reading correctly lunamoth asked me to describe how I think a polygamous situation could work. Had to work from the ideal family situation before I am to clarify the ideal polygamous situation. We all understand ideal is a longshot.

Does anybody have 2.5 kids and a white picket fence around here?

Quote:

I have an inferiority complex ok I don't like women being thought of as under men and your post flaired my temper.

A woman being under a man? To each her own thoughts. But at some point we all realize we can use a bit of help - whether we choose same sex or opposite sex. I remember when I could handle everything. Now there aren't enough hours in the day for me to be able to handle everything.

Taking on a spouse does not have to imply submissiveness. Taking on more than one spouse is sacrifice - for those who would take it seriously. I am not of a polygamous nature. Nor am I homosexual. But I can see, through understanding others, how people can be.

Quahom1 · 04-01-2005, 11:38 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Geist

The fact that people think its moraly (SP?) wrong. They can't think of something else to back up the argument its just moraly wrong or it is a sin or god says so etc. For example

Person 1: bigomy is moraly wrong
person 2: Why?
Person 1: Because God says so.

Can't people think for themselves or something?
I mean if someone said something like it might spread aids or something like that fair enough.

And the other thing that annoyed me is the way you tried to describe the "pefect" family.

I have an inferiority complex ok I don't like women being thought of as under men and your post flaired my temper.

In the United States, and I suspect many other countries, it is legally wrong, and the legality came from the moral values of the people who invoked the laws.

God of the Bible OT never decreed polygamy as immoral (as far as I can find). So that came from somewhere else. The only thing God frowned on was the taking of another man's wife...(I think that falls under "Thou shalt not covet...").

No one called women "inferior". I think you assumed that based on your own experiences, and applied the same to the words you read.

For example, the intelligence and tactical cunning of a woman brought one of the stronges men in history to his knees (think Samson and Delila).

v/r

Q