How am I supposed to feel?

[greymare]

I want to share something with you all.Last January while I was at work a customer collapsed. I was called as I am the first aid attentdant. This man was not conscious and not breathing. Myself and another customer performed CPR for about 20 minutes before the Ambulance arrived. He survived and apparently had a blockage near his heart that caused him to collapse. Ever since then, he and his lovely wife come into my supermarket every Thursday and say hello. They have introduced me to their family and friends (while Im at work) I know them now. Well fairly well. Ive not been to their house or anything. You know what I mean. Last week I commented to my supervisior that I hadnt seen them lately but I had a roster change. I didnt think much of it. Now today I go to work and find out that Frank (the man) passed away on the weekend, at home with his family. I cried. His poor wife. She will be devastated. Im attending the funeral on friday. I will really miss him(he is an old guy, im not being sick or anything) but I've also been feeling that what a waste it was for me to do what I did last year. Do you know what I mean? At least he didnt pass away in a supermarket, I suppose. I really have a lot of respect for doctors and nurses etc I couldnt do that for a job. One incident has effected me enough. What are your thoughts????

[wil]

Bless you for what you and your co-worker did...

A year of life he got...a year with his family...so often folks take advantage of that time...it sounds like he did...bringing his family in to meet you...stopping in regularly to appreciate what you had done for him.

What an honor...and then you feeling close enough to go the funeral, truly amazing story.

The classic answer to how would you feel if you were in my shoes...

I'd feel exactly like you do if I were in your shoes.

When death strikes someone near it is fairly common to have confusion and feeling differing than what you'd expect...this is a truly special circumstance...you extended a life.

[InLove]

Dear greymare--

Would you like to hear from someone in a similar situation? Not yours, but your friend's?

Last year, my life was extended. I don't know for how long, but there was a young doctor who played a big role in this, as he was involved in the type of research that could help me. And even though, we were almost certain there for a while that I was completely cured of a condition I have, it turned out not to be so. This young man has done everything he can, and I consider him to be a great friend and a wonderful person.

I just want you to know how much I appreciate the extra time I have been given. And the young doctor was a big part of that. I would imagine that the gentleman you spoke of and his family were very glad to have had another year!

Hope this helps....

InPeace,
InLove

[17th Angel]

What is the point? Death will prevail.... You can bring some one back a thousand times, they are still going to die. So I can understand where you say "what the hell was the point." I would say to you the point was it wasn't his time. And you gave an awesome gift to a family.. You gave them their husband, father, brother, son... Isn't that good enough? You made people happy.... And they never forgot that either. I bet since that day his life did change and he made more of what he had, I am sure of that. If you are going to go with the "what's the point?" way... Then shoot yourself... Right now... What's the point in living? You're going to die anyway, so get it over with.... You won't right? Because, life, this series of random situations and events that are chain linked together, are worth living. Sure sometimes hard, depressing, but then you have the amazing times, birthdays, marriage, birth's, first kisses, first footsteps... First words, anniversaries, the natural beauty of the world, those awesome quite summer mornings when the birds rise up and sing... There is just tons, the positive simply out weighs the negative hands down... Life is freaking sweet... And you gave that man a little more time, and I am sure he didn't waste that time and really appreciated it... Good stuff...

Sorry, so the main question how should you feel? You should feel, good.... You made a change, a very big important change. That doesn't happen every day, and that is yet another good side of life, the chance to make a situation better.

[Snoopy]

Originally Posted by greymare

I've also been feeling that what a waste it was for me to do what I did last year. Do you know what I mean?

You did something fantastic greymare. We are all mortal yes, but you gave him another year of life; so what you did was in no way a waste, it was a great gift that you were able to give. He enjoyed another year of life, his family enjoyed another year of life with him. If I had been Frank or a member of his family I know what I would think of your actions, and it wouldn't be that you had done something wasteful.

Bless you.

Snoopy.

[Tao_Equus]

I echo all of the above.

This man appreciated what you did. He proved that by including you in his inner circle of loved ones. Death is always tinged with regrets, the finality is so frustrating. But you played your part in his life and it was not ignored or unappreciated. Be grateful that he gave you the opportunity to experience being a real hero and remember his gratitude with fondness. I am sure that after the funeral you will find some closure and peace. Remember you were a real life saver, a real hero. Few of us ever get the chance to mean so much to a stranger.

Tao

[China Cat Sunflower]

Every moment of life is precious. Just an extra day with someone you love is priceless. You did a good thing Grey!

Chris

[Francis king]

...when ppl come close to their own end, it changes them. Most times people don't get the chance to plan for their end. They wake up suddenly, at the final gate, boarding that plane, a one way ticket in their hand, and they're in that queue thinking- I wish I had called my mom and told her I loved her... I wish I wouldn't have shouted at my son yesterday... I always wanted to go to Paris... etc, etc.

And yet- if you have been close to death and survived, u suddenly get the chance to tell mom u love her and apologise to ur son, u might even get to go to Paris...

it obviously changed the guy, for u say he came into the store and showed u off.. he was grateful u had been there that day... maybe thanks to u and ur co-worker he had the chance to tell his wife how much he will miss her when he's gone, and for her to tell him how much she loves him, too...

he passed away at home, with his family around him, not alone and scared and embarrassed on a supermarket floor... thanks to u...

how are u supposed to feel? thats up to u... I think that his loss will obviously effect u- not only did u help him originally but because of that u also developed a connection with him and his loved ones, so instead of losing a stranger on the floor that day u actually lost someone u cared about a while later instead...

[flowperson]

Grey:

My thinking on this is that all human beings, whether they will acknowledge it or not, are here to take care of each other. If this had not been the case for the past 100,000 years, none of us would be here today writing these things. That's all that you did, but that very activity bears with it a degree of emotional vulnerability and responsibility.

If the truth were to be known, that's likely the root of G-d's love for us all and what we all really do in this world. When you attend the funeral, embrace each of his loved ones as if you belong to and with them, for you do since you took care of him and gave him more life that he and they might not have otherwise had.

InLove...likewise my thoughts for the wonderful doctor who enabled my Mom being with us for another few years. It really is what we're all here for, whether we own up to it or not. Some people just have the great honor of being able to do this everyay in their ordinary lives.

Great Cake by the way !

flow....

[Thomas]

Hi Greymare —

When my father was in hospital, a doctor explained to my mother that there was no more they could do, and he would arrange for oxygen etc., to be sent to the family home, to which my father could return, and spend what time he had left there.

My partner arranged to take my mother and pick him up. When they arrived at the hospital, a very officious ward sister told my mother there was no oxygen available, and it was best that he stay there. Dad hated the place. Hated the terminal ward. Hated the squeaking wheels of the trolley they used to collect the departed. Hated the move to the bed nearest the door, a sure sign that you were the next expected departure...

My partner is not as awed by authority as my mother, and she would allow nothing to stand in the way of dad's return. Where was the oxygen? Why can't you get it? Why can't I get it? (She could, and she did). No objection was acceptable, she made it clear she was bringing dad home. Apparently the sister was furious, but the doctor had spoken, and so, for a few minutes, my family was a major nuisance in the smooth running of the ward's affairs.

So dad returned home.

That night mum awoke to him singing in his sleep (I have never heard him sing, nor, I think, had she).

He died the next day.

You gave that man the gift of life, Greymare, if only for a year — and a year is a lifetime for those who value the passing days. You gave him his life, and he gave you his friendship. Now both are gone, and what you feel is grief at their passing.

It's a good sign, Greymare, it means you're human.

Pax tecum,

Thomas

[greymare]

thank you all for your support. Mary(his wife) came in today, we hugged and cried. Ill be there tomorrow for the funeral, and Ill be thinking of the sincere words you guys have given me. truly thanks. love the grey

[Muslimwoman]

Hi Grey

Good job. Of course you have mental wranglings now, I have dealt with many fatalities and near fatalities but strangely it does get easier the more you deal with (although you never forget your first). You begin to accept is as a part of the human life cycle.

If your mind gets down about it please just turn it around and make it about yourself, go on be selfish for a moment. Ask yourself, could you have stood there and watched the man die without trying to save him? You did not know if he was a nice man or a monster but did that make a difference? Of course the answer is no, so you had no choice, you did what you had to do and life went on and for the past year you have had new friend.

Take care
Sally