Has CR changed you?

[path_of_one]

Originally Posted by China Cat Sunflower

You seem very warm and affable to me Kim, like the sister I wish I had.

Chris

Thanks, Chris- that gave me the warm-fuzzies. I can say that one thing CR has given me is a whole lot o' folks that feel like my family. We disagree a lot, sometimes we have lively debates... but at the end of the day, the regulars here feel like home to me. When I've been really down about any number of things (and I've had some doozies over the years), I know people here care about me, even though they've never met me. People have prayed for me. It's a remarkable feeling.

And Netti, it seems like a lot of folks in America in my age bracket I've known (mid 20s to mid 30s) just don't want to discuss religion, politics, and so forth. To spend any big quantity of time on reading about them, thinking, discussing is seen as kind of an "uppity" activity- like being pretentious. And also, not fun. Alternatively, I tried for a few years to blend with the conservative Christian crowd, who cared about this stuff, and on the whole they did not appreciate my "come one, come all" approach to spiritual learning (even when I toned it down). A lot of them couldn't get over me being an anthropologist (and hence an evolutionist, etc.). I eventually gave up trying to make too many "in person" friends, because I just couldn't seem to be what people wanted from me, even when I tried really hard. Fortunately, I have the internet and my CR pals to kick around all the oddball topics that make me tick.

[China Cat Sunflower]

Originally Posted by path_of_one

And now I'm increasingly on a kick where everything amazes me in life. I walk to work looking up into the trees, and I'm fascinated by the form and color. I fascinated by the birds that hang out on the sidewalk. I could hang out and literally watch grass grow at times. I talk to the homeless people- I actually have had a few good conversations. Before long I will go from being pegged as eccentric and boring (and oddly enough, either overly religious or wantonly wild and unchurched, depending on who you ask)... to totally insane.

That makes sense to me. I find the oddest things fascinating and beautiful. I love the lines in old people's faces. I love old abandoned industrial buildings and all the weird looking apparatus that goes with electrical power generation and transmission. Old cracking asphalt roads with grass growing through that no one uses anymore. I still trip on the same things I did when I was a kid: faces in the woodgrain and the patterns of the curtains at night when a car goes by.

Chris

[path_of_one]

I love the lines on old people... one of my favorite things. I find it beautiful- the emotion and lessons of life etched on the body.

Ever try looking in a mirror at the bit of light that catches on your iris? You know, the tiny bright spot of light that is captured in your eye? Look really, really close. Focus all your energy on it, all your attention. Let your sight sort of get fuzzy in order to focus entirely on that bit of light, and really up close to the mirror. It is amazing... It looks like the whole universe in there. Kind of difficult to describe, but I've run into a few other people who have done it and they all saw the same incredible thing.

Yeah, this is me. I happen to actually think one day, "I need to see my eyeball really, really close- that speck of light looks mighty interesting!"

LOL

As if looking around at the world this way weren't enough, I am liable to do all sorts of things that embarrass most adults- jump in leaves, ride the merry-go-round, ride the shopping cart back to my car... And none of that approaches the odder things I do alone in my house- I sing funny little made-up songs to my dogs and horses (they seem to like them), I am prone to dancing (in an entirely unschooled and dorky manner), I have been known to slide down my stairs (you know, most kids do it- it's fun).

I'm like a big goofy kid in a woman's body. But, you know, it is what makes life worth living for me. Otherwise, I'd be way too serious. I take the joy as I find it.

[seattlegal]

Originally Posted by path_of_one

I feel for you, Chris. People have told my husband I'm wierd, odd, and boring. That's what I get for being a big nerd and into religion, politics, and science.

What makes me really sad is people have said they think I believe myself to be superior, when that couldn't be farther from the truth. I really believe I can learn from every person and I'm intensely interested in what other people (everyone, anyone) thinks about most stuff (ethics, religion, politics, whatever). But the combination of my intense interest, my nerdy activities, and my tendency to be quite reserved in large groups (I can't help it- I'm an introvert) means I come across all wrong to people. The lack of my capacity to gossip, know much about celebrities' lives, or have any interest in fashion means that I'm typically seen as even more boring and odd by women than men.

And now I'm increasingly on a kick where everything amazes me in life. I walk to work looking up into the trees, and I'm fascinated by the form and color. I fascinated by the birds that hang out on the sidewalk. I could hang out and literally watch grass grow at times. I talk to the homeless people- I actually have had a few good conversations. Before long I will go from being pegged as eccentric and boring (and oddly enough, either overly religious or wantonly wild and unchurched, depending on who you ask)... to totally insane.

I figure it could be worse... At least my family accepts me as I am. They even like me.

I know you're new to the Puget Sound region, but you've come to the right place. The abundance of introverted nerds we have here are actually valued by all. There are also plenty of people who will be more than happy to engage in deep, off the wall conversations, and plenty of natural wildlife and scenery to be awed by. {Something has to compensate for all of the dark, rainy days. That, and coffee. }

[Gatekeeper]

CR, or rather the people who post here have helped me to form a great foundation on which to build on. Blasphemy, eh? Not at all - it is the open mindedness, and the fundamentalist approach from those here that have inspired me to pursue more than just status quo. I am blessed by posting here - even as little as I do. It is such a relief to be able to voice my own opinions w/o the harsh treatment I get on other boards from those who disagree.

I find that the leaders of the board have lead with a gentle hand, and that where they have lead me, wasn't always in line with what they themselves believe. It has been a truly refreshing experience.

I have found inspiration, and realization, and a coming "full circle" which ultimately humbled me to the point of bliss, lol.

Brian, thank you for starting CR - it has been a wonderful experience, and no matter how long I leave from here, I will [more than likely] always come back for the soul food I recieve from posting on these boards.

James

[juantoo3]

Originally Posted by path_of_one

I eventually gave up trying to make too many "in person" friends, because I just couldn't seem to be what people wanted from me, even when I tried really hard.

I remember those days when I tried really hard to please everybody else, and it still wasn't enough...

Not quite 30? That was right about the time I decided that I wasn't going to live my life for others anymore. I promised myself to be the best person I could be to make myself happy, and if others liked me...COOL! And if not, it was their loss, I wasn't going to lose anymore sleep over the matter.

I haven't looked back since, it was probably the best personal decision I ever made.

Maybe there's something about the medium combined with the subject matter here at CR...maybe we are all a bunch of closet nerds with too much time on our hands and thoughts that run too deep for the masses (translation: no life). Maybe that's what makes us such a tight family.

[juantoo3]

I'm not sure it is CR that has changed me...I want to believe I would have grown anyway. I do think this has been a very fruitful environment to grow in.

I had been in process of teaching myself tolerance before I arrived, but this place has been wonderful for putting theory into practice. That is not to say it hasn't been without struggle and error, I am only human. Interacting with others is a very concrete / material way of testing one's mettle and challenging cherished beliefs. I've grown to like (and even, dare I say it?, love) the people here, even the ones I disagree with.

I have learned a lot about other faiths, had a few preconceptions changed or erased, still find only certain paths resonate with my spirit but that many paths seem viable to somebody somewhere, and that on a real and practical level I can see my path is not the path for everybody even though I am convinced all the more it is the path for me.

As with so much, I find the more I learn the less I know.

Now that I think about it, yes, CR has changed me. It has expanded my immediate family and given me a whole host of new brothers and sisters, aunts, uncles, cousins, nieces and nephews, in-laws and out-laws, sparring partners, grudge match opponents, punching bags and baseball bats to expand and fill my life. It is all for the better.

[path_of_one]

Originally Posted by seattlegal

I know you're new to the Puget Sound region, but you've come to the right place. The abundance of introverted nerds we have here are actually valued by all. There are also plenty of people who will be more than happy to engage in deep, off the wall conversations, and plenty of natural wildlife and scenery to be awed by. {Something has to compensate for all of the dark, rainy days. That, and coffee. }

Yay! I knew there were more reasons to move here than to leave the smog behind.

I have noticed, since I moved here, that I often have great conversations with people on the commuter train and in lines at lunch and so forth... and they seem to enjoy it as much as I do. I've had a wonderfully warm and sincere welcome from a number of perfect strangers, who were more than willing to direct me to lovely state parks, their favorite CSA farm or local organic food market, and their favorite book stores.

Come to think of it... maybe I will make friends here. Southern California (no offense to the place) did not seem to be the best fit for me. I annoyed a lot of people there (or bored them to tears). So maybe there is hope after all. But I won't leave y'all... I've come to see CR as, like Juan just said, a sort of second large and diverse family.

I've spent most of my six months I've been here working (I'm still working tonight, on a brief break at 11 pm- yikes) and finding a house. Now that we're settled in reasonably well, I can start poking around.

I wonder how many Puget Sound folks we have... I knew about you, and I want to say Pathless is from these parts...

[path_of_one]

Originally Posted by juantoo3

Not quite 30? That was right about the time I decided that I wasn't going to live my life for others anymore. I promised myself to be the best person I could be to make myself happy, and if others liked me...COOL! And if not, it was their loss, I wasn't going to lose anymore sleep over the matter.

I haven't looked back since, it was probably the best personal decision I ever made.

I came to that conclusion a couple years ago, but I still occasionally get lonely. My family is scattered hither and yon. My husband and I pretty much just do stuff together, but we don't share all the same interests, of course. So each ends up doing a lot alone.

But I do feel better being the best me I can be and sometimes being lonely than trying hard to be someone I'm not and wear myself out for no good reason.

[seattlegal]

Originally Posted by path_of_one

I wonder how many Puget Sound folks we have... I knew about you, and I want to say Pathless is from these parts...

{tongue in cheek} P-nut? He's one of those crazies from the dry side of the Cascades. (I wonder what it is in the water over there that makes them so crazy? ) {/tongue in cheek}

Actually, I've seen quite a few from this area on CR...

[Pathless]

Originally Posted by Alex P

I couldn't possibly imagine one person... (apart from pathless just to get me!) that would say no...

Wha--?? Wait a minute! Now I have to say "yes, it's changed me," in order to get you!?!??!!

No, seriously--am I that combative lately? Yes? Well okay--then yes, CR has certainly changed me. I'm a lot less meek than I was three to four years ago, and that's not just strictly an online personality thing. Now, some people might say that meekness is a nice trait; and it is, but I used to be beyond meek; self-doubting, self-effacing, with the more than occasional spasm of guilt would be a much better description. I'm glad to have gotten beyond that.

So if lately I seem like a punk sometimes, well... I'm not sorry. I'm happy with the self confidence that has come with clarifying my values and beliefs, and CR has definitely helped me think deeply about and, more than once, challenged me to defend or even justify those values and beliefs. I also recognize that I'm not done growing. Always room for improvement, right? And so hopefully I will mellow out again, a bit, but I sure ain't going back to where I started from.

[Pathless]

Originally Posted by path_of_one

And now I'm increasingly on a kick where everything amazes me in life. I walk to work looking up into the trees, and I'm fascinated by the form and color. I fascinated by the birds that hang out on the sidewalk. I could hang out and literally watch grass grow at times. I talk to the homeless people- I actually have had a few good conversations. Before long I will go from being pegged as eccentric and boring (and oddly enough, either overly religious or wantonly wild and unchurched, depending on who you ask)... to totally insane.

I love this. I do it, too. I'm so glad that spring is coming around again and I'm able to walk more and actually see life come back around. Just this morning I was so comfortable in bed, and what finally got me up was the sound of geese. Geese!! I thought. I hadn't heard them in so long, it seemed. I'm not sure if I really did this morning, or if it was more like a dream, but anyway, it gave me a thrill.

I live in a small town and so people often see me out walking when they are driving to or from work. Once I had a friend comment that he saw me walking. "You look so into what you are looking at," he said. "You seemed so fascinated by that electric power plant." And I was.

Hey, it's the simple things in life which are so marvelous and miraculous. Which is why I get so pissed off at all the crazy and inhumane shenanigans going on in the world. It's like, "Aren't you people paying attention? You're alive!! And it's a beautiful day!! Stop fu(%ing stuff up!"

[Pathless]

Originally Posted by China Cat Sunflower

That makes sense to me. I find the oddest things fascinating and beautiful. I love the lines in old people's faces. I love old abandoned industrial buildings and all the weird looking apparatus that goes with electrical power generation and transmission. Old cracking asphalt roads with grass growing through that no one uses anymore. I still trip on the same things I did when I was a kid: faces in the woodgrain and the patterns of the curtains at night when a car goes by.

Chris

Ever look at some pebbles in a puddle and imagine that the scale is totally different--like ginormous, or like you are really tiny in that puddle, which turns it into a lake with huge boulders in it, instead of pebbles? I did this a lot as a kid, playing with action figures, and have recently started doing it again (sans the action figures, but maybe I should bring those back, too). It's fun to look at a rock and realize that to an insect, a frog, a faery person, or a Star Wars figure, it would actually be more of a mountain. That primes the imagination, it does.

I also, like Chris, enjoy the individual character in people's faces. I usually smile at them, too, so as not to just weird them out by staring blankly or studiously, or saying, "You have a wonderful upturned nose." I like the electrical junk, too; I like the juxtaposition of rusted or otherwise scrapped-out junk plunked down in the middle of a field or some other natural area. I mean, I don't like pollution in theory because it's bad, but sometimes it's also beautiful and rare. Even a littered beer can or a tattered McDonald's cup on the side of the street can be amazing. Around where I live, there are a lot of old abandoned grain silos. I would never go in them, but they're cool to look at and take photos of. I also like seeing big tractor tires in fields. In the spring, you can look inside of them and the grass is significantly greener and seems more alive, for some reason.

Life is weird and beautiful like that.

[Pathless]

Originally Posted by path_of_one

As if looking around at the world this way weren't enough, I am liable to do all sorts of things that embarrass most adults- jump in leaves, ride the merry-go-round, ride the shopping cart back to my car... And none of that approaches the odder things I do alone in my house- I sing funny little made-up songs to my dogs and horses (they seem to like them), I am prone to dancing (in an entirely unschooled and dorky manner), I have been known to slide down my stairs (you know, most kids do it- it's fun).

Yup, I do that stuff, too. My fiance has liberated the goofball in me. She's actually the real catalyst for most of the amazing changes in me over the past several years. But they're not changes so much as a flowering. I was way too inhibited before, but now I am not ashamed to dance and sing like a distracted child--which I am, or aspire to be, anyhow--talk and sing to the animals in my house, make ridiculous faces, or otherwise express myself in glorious child-like splendor.

[Pathless]

Originally Posted by juantoo3

Not quite 30? That was right about the time I decided that I wasn't going to live my life for others anymore. I promised myself to be the best person I could be to make myself happy, and if others liked me...COOL! And if not, it was their loss, I wasn't going to lose anymore sleep over the matter.

Me too. I wonder if there is something about that age that is conducive to this value shift away from concern for what other people think more towards, "Yeah, but what is important to me?" I feel like I'm reclaiming now, in my 30s, the child and person I was born as, the one who was conditioned to be quiet and listen to authority and find a job and settle down. Sometimes I feel as if there were twenty or so odd years of my life that were just shut down from me, where I wasn't living, but kind of dully subsisting in a sub-conscious state.

This is another reason why I get irritated at authority and traditions that don't sit well with me.

Man, welcome to Introspection 101 with Pathless. I'll hand out a course syllabus on Tuesday.