boyfriends

[sarah2323]

Sorry if i put this under the wrong catagory if it would do any better in another one please tell me!
Hey my name is Sarah my boy friend of 13 months split up with me the other day and I was very upset. He is a Hindu and I’m English, his mum is very strong on religion and says that he isn’t allowed a girl at all so for a white girl like me is just out of the question. The reason he split up with me is because his mum found out that we were boy friend girl friend and told him to decide between having me or her, he is very close to his mum and keeps in the religion and as any person would he choose his mum and family and I’m not mad at him for his choice if I was him I would of done the same thing.

He has tried to tell his mum that we weren’t going out before but when she found out he was lying she tried to kill herself as I thought that god wanted her on this earth and that she was deceiving god by trying to kill herself. I’m sorry if I got that wrong.

My question is, is there any hope of us getting back together I love Karan with all my heart, and I’m broken to pieces that we can't be together, one of my friends said maybe writing his mum a letter may help but I don’t know the answer from a Hindu’s point of view what do you all think? I was scared of this happening from the start and now that it has I don’t know what to do.

Please give me some direction and I’m sorry this is so long and if I get my facts wrong. Tell me the truth if I should give up on him then tell me. Thank you

[I, Brian]

Hi sarah2323, welcome, and I can certainly appreciate a little of what you're telling us - I had a friend at school who had to remain hidden from his girlfriend for similar reasons...

Personally speaking, although it's great that a site like this can bring people to overlook at least some aspect of their religious divides - ultimately in real life there are plenty of boundaries, and I really don't see what you individually can do to overcome them.

In this instance, Karan has clearly made his choice, and if his mother were to have such strong feelings about the situation now, it is unlikely you can do much to win her approval.

I'd hate to say it, but if he has moved on, there is little else you can do but move on.

Hey, I know it sucks - but it's something I think most people go through and learn from and come out of stronger for it. It hurts now, and you'll remember that - but I'm sure there are better situations and experiences for you in life ahead.

Hope that helps a little...

[wil]

There are a few things at play here. All notes/comments are obviously my opinion, I can't tell you what we would do should we be in your shoes. Because if I were in your shoes I would do what you would do.

One is age, the light you'll see this in in ten years is different than the light of today.

Another is your love, if you love him you wish the best for him, in all ways, even if it means that you aren't in the picture as a girlfriend.

Another is his religion and belief system you must leave him room for that, and we all wander off the path occasionally, it is generous souls that assist us back.

Another is his parents belief system, which obviously exerts some control, control which he is not prepared to take on.

Lastly, 60 years ago in America it was unheard of for races to mix, and religious mixing was also taboo in many circles. Thirty years ago Black, White, Hispanic, Asian, mixed couples weren't common but existed. Today it is fairly commonplace and those that are intolerant are getting fewer....

We can argue till were blue about the pros and cons of such couples and their offspring and dealing with social reprecussions...but each generation is growing up with less and less predjudice...and yes at the expense of a lot of individual culture...

You have my respect, for your issue, your contemplation, your concern and your respect for your friend.

Good luck, God bless, and namaste,

[Rouge47]

Originally Posted by sarah2323

Please give me some direction and I’m sorry this is so long and if I get my facts wrong. Tell me the truth if I should give up on him then tell me. Thank you

You understanding was the right decision. You see it is very difficult for a boy to give up his mother. I learned in psychology that boys are more attatched to their mothers and girls are more attatched to their fathers. It is a natural thing that happened. And it is also a very religious thing that happened. You see obeing your religion is usually what most people see as their first and upmost priority. Including the nurture and care of a parent.
However, if I were in his shoes I would not have been easily persuided to stick with my mother. I would feel the passion of a true love seperate us. When it comes down to the love of a couple I try to put the happiness of my girlfriend first. I want to make her as happy as I can. I would have stayed with you if I were him. But if it comes to a religious matter, then I would put that first.
There are many friendly and understanding Hindues on this site that would be more than happy to assist you further. As you said, you needed a hinduistic understanding as well. I can't help there. However, if you need any psychological back up (I specialize in that subject) I am always available.
I hope I helped you out some and I am truly sorry this happened to you and him.

God Bless,
Paul

[sarah2323]

heya thank you so much for replying and i'll certainly think abut what your saying! i didnt think this was going to be one of the biggest things i would go through in life. i dont know if its because of how long we were together or what.
Thank You!

[Rouge47]

You're very welcome, sarah!

PJ